Bahama Mama
April 14, 2005, 01:08 PM
Okay folks I found this hilarious when it was sent to me. For those that find it distasteful my apologies. But have a read you may s*** you pants with laughter (Pun intended for those who read it)
************************************************** ********
Dave did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and
falling to sleep.
All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe
standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St.Peter, and you are
in
heaven."
"WHAT!!? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.. I'm too
young."
said Dave.
"If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter "you can only return as a dog or a
hen.
You can choose on your own".
Dave thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is
too
tiring,
but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.
Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen." Dave replied.
And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really
nicely
feathered.
But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow; then along came the
rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said.
"How does it feel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on.
Have you never laid an egg before??"
"No, how do I do that?" Dave asked.
Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Dave clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for,and then
'Plop'
and an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Dave said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and
squeezed.
And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:
"Dave, for Christ's sake!!! Wake up, you're ****tin' all over the
bed!"
************************************************** ********
Dave did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and
falling to sleep.
All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe
standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St.Peter, and you are
in
heaven."
"WHAT!!? Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die.. I'm too
young."
said Dave.
"If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter "you can only return as a dog or a
hen.
You can choose on your own".
Dave thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is
too
tiring,
but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.
Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen." Dave replied.
And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really
nicely
feathered.
But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow; then along came the
rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said.
"How does it feel?"
"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on.
Have you never laid an egg before??"
"No, how do I do that?" Dave asked.
Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Dave clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for,and then
'Plop'
and an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Dave said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and
squeezed.
And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.
The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:
"Dave, for Christ's sake!!! Wake up, you're ****tin' all over the
bed!"