Why are relationships so much like warfare today?

[BlackCryptoKnight]

These days, men and women seem to be out to scam oneanother rather than building up stable relationships. There's all this talk about players and gold diggers, and all the trappings that come with "The Game". It seems to be all about hunting, trapping and conquering rather than loving and caring. Why is it like that? Is anybody really happy with all that game playing?

[Cocoa]

I don't like games and I guess the ones that play it realise that society is about it and materialism. So we can gwaan talk about this "catty" then if things no work out, we bounce cause more fish in the sea. That type of mentality.

[nuhsenutten]

ja how u want to make it sound like a man alone do it ..... dont u think women r guilty too? :eusa_thin

[longlove]

from eversince , both male and female played each other. so over the years it has become da norm. so if you want a stable relationship, you've gotta put time in that relationship to make it work. agree with me?

[shakeri]

i totally agree with u LONGLOVE. relationship is not only about taking its also about giving and giving of ur best to ur mate.

[Cocoa]

I was talking to a male friend of mine today, we were discussing relationships and how certain thngs are important to have in it. What came out of the discussion was this....there is so much competition in the world and if the men or women in our lives is not meeting the needs then they will look elsewhere. It's all seem to be a 'temporary' situation.

Seem it is like this: "I have you here to fulfill all my needs right now so until they are no longer met, then we can part." :(

So I say.... make sure that you and your partner have the same philosophies before entering a serious relationship, or else it can cause problems.

[Arch_Angel]

Seem it is like this: "I have you here to fulfill all my needs right now so until they are no longer met, then we can part." :(
No wonder people can't stay in a relationship, if they believe that. :rolleyes:

[BlackCryptoKnight]

....there is so much competition in the world and if the men or women in our lives is not meeting the needs then they will look elsewhere. It's all seem to be a 'temporary' situation.

Seem it is like this: "I have you here to fulfill all my needs right now so until they are no longer met, then we can part." :(

Are people really happy with this though? It's such a selfish way to look at things. When you really love someone, it isn't about what they can do for you, it's what you can do for them. So right from the start with the "how well can you fulfill my needs" mentality, there is no real love, and it's doomed to fail.

The irony is, that by being focused more on giving, you will get in return. By focusing more on taking, you are more likely to lose in the long run (and lose plenty).

By looking to "play" each other, nobody wins. After living in "the game" where it's play or be played, eventually a persons ability to attract or even recognize and give true love, is diminished. They become jaded, cynical and cold.

Is all this so hard to see? :eusa_thin

[virus_ncu]

I was talking to a male friend of mine today, we were discussing relationships and how certain thngs are important to have in it. What came out of the discussion was this....there is so much competition in the world and if the men or women in our lives is not meeting the needs then they will look elsewhere. It's all seem to be a 'temporary' situation.

Seem it is like this: "I have you here to fulfill all my needs right now so until they are no longer met, then we can part." :(
there are some people like that, however most dont part they just go out and seek the missing element.
I would say some people just cant get enough. like myself. i am in a perfect relationship for 4yrs now, both of us are well aquainted with each other families. but for some strage reason i choose to cheat and play around. not because i need to but because i can and i am good at it. every week i change to another girl on the side, 80% of these girls already have them man and are just looking sexual pleasure because they ar'nt getting it from them man. well it seems they not leaving them man because aprt from sex they are getting everything they desire; money car fame and all.

so what i am saying is in addition to cocoa point that people also play because they can.

[BlackCryptoKnight]

there are some people like that, however most dont part they just go out and seek the missing element.
I would say some people just cant get enough. like myself. i am in a perfect relationship for 4yrs now, both of us are well aquainted with each other families. but for some strage reason i choose to cheat and play around. not because i need to but because i can and i am good at it. every week i change to another girl on the side, 80% of these girls already have them man and are just looking sexual pleasure because they ar'nt getting it from them man. well it seems they not leaving them man because aprt from sex they are getting everything they desire; money car fame and all.

so what i am saying is in addition to cocoa point that people also play because they can.

Do you care about the person you are in a relationship for 4 years with?
Are you happy and fulfilled with the kind of approach you are taking towards relationships?
Do you think that in the long run, it will be beneficial to you to continue that way?

[Cocoa]

there are some people like that, however most dont part they just go out and seek the missing element.
I would say some people just cant get enough. like myself. i am in a perfect relationship for 4yrs now, both of us are well aquainted with each other families. but for some strage reason i choose to cheat and play around. not because i need to but because i can and i am good at it. every week i change to another girl on the side, 80% of these girls already have them man and are just looking sexual pleasure because they ar'nt getting it from them man. well it seems they not leaving them man because aprt from sex they are getting everything they desire; money car fame and all.so what i am saying is in addition to cocoa point that people also play because they can.Well if if your relationship was "perfect" then you wouldn't cheat. :(

With all then promiscuious acts you performing EVERYDAY with a DIFFERENT GIRL, and they SLEEP with THEIR men... you are opening yourself and woman to diseases. :eusa_snoo

Why don't you just call it quits with your gf of 4yrs and move on and let her go instead of hurting her?? :confused: Do you think that it is fair to her?

And for your information virus, you are NOT good at it, you are weakened by it brotha. The more people you sleep with destroys your integrity, your beliefs, values and you as a person, most of all, you as a MAN (or a boy). It doesn't play to do just because you think you CAN> :rolleyes:

Just remember that your past will come to haunt you and it doesnt play to cheat.

[virus_ncu]

thanks cocoa,
to me my relationship is perfect, we have no problems what soever and we are very much in love.
i have no reason doing what i am doing that is why i want to change.
i care very much for my girl, that is why everytime i pray, i ask god to make into the person my girl, my mom and dad thinks i am.

[Gwadinka]

Vi, help yourself first then God will do the rest. Stop calling to God to change things that you are able to change by yourself.

[Bahama Mama]

there are some people like that, however most dont part they just go out and seek the missing element.
I would say some people just cant get enough. like myself. i am in a perfect relationship for 4yrs now, both of us are well aquainted with each other families. but for some strage reason i choose to cheat and play around. not because i need to but because i can and i am good at it. every week i change to another girl on the side, 80% of these girls already have them man and are just looking sexual pleasure because they ar'nt getting it from them man. well it seems they not leaving them man because aprt from sex they are getting everything they desire; money car fame and all.

so what i am saying is in addition to cocoa point that people also play because they can.
Promiscuity can kill literally. AIDS is taking Caribbean folks down like the plague my brother. In this day in age anyone who sleeps around so willingly and with so many different women is comitting suiciude, even if you use condoms, cuz they break. I am sure most people know this, but why doesnt anyone take heed. Does it have to happen before ppl realize that hey my actions can have some serious consequences.

[virus_ncu]

thats true words both of ya. but lets not forget that this toppic is not about me.

[Bahama Mama]

thats true words both of ya. but lets not forget that this toppic is about me.



I could not in good conscience not repsond to your post, and not say hey something is wong with what you appear to deem as no big deal. But I cant judge, but I would hope that you rethink your actions. But to each his or her own.

[Xenocrates]

:icon_arro Virus_NCU

Dude... http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y142/xenocrates/Smilies/twitch.gif

Umm... first thing is, why exactly would you scandal yourself like that? Haven't you ever heard of the word "discreet"? I'm just not getting the logic of it all.

Secondly, we know the thread is not about you, but you just made it about yourself with that rather conspicuously disturbing post. Things like that kinda make people with daughters, sisters and female cousins mortified.

I won't repeat what the others have said. But there's one thing I will add:

Keep your personal life off the forums. I know at least 3 or 4 people here (on this forum) who just can't seem to resist the temptation to blurt out intimate (and sometimes disconcerting) information about their private lives. Stuff that I really would rather not know...ack! It colours your personality in unspeakable ways that I can't even begin to describe...

I mean, just because you can steer a car with your feet doesn't mean that you should. You zimi?

:icon_arro To the Men on the board

Could somebody kindly explain to me why Jamaican males feel so PROUD about boasting in PUBLIC about their exploits of the opposite sex? Why do Jamaican males feel so unabased about their infidelity? Is that something to be proud of? Did I miss the memo? Have we no moral restraint anymore?

I had to crash a similar thread on TechJamaica (http://www.techjamaica.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10700&page=7&pp=10) for the same reason! I don't get it! Am I the only Jamaican male who would be mortally ashamed to even confess such a thing, let alone do it? Have we no respect for women anymore? What the hell?! http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y142/xenocrates/Smilies/foolish.gif

For the love of Christ, exercise some sobriety damn it!

Good God man!

[BlackCryptoKnight]

Could somebody kindly explain to me why Jamaican males feel so PROUD about boasting in PUBLIC about their exploits of the opposite sex? Why do Jamaican males feel so unabased about their infidelity? Is that something to be proud of? Did I miss the memo? Have we no moral restraint anymore?

...

Am I the only Jamaican male who would be mortally ashamed to even confess such a thing, let alone do it? Have we no respect for women anymore?

Of course, X, you know this trend isn't limited to Jamaican men...

But that's what I'm trying to get at. Why is it now the "in thing" to exploit, trick, use and ridicule when it comes to male-female relationships? Love, commitment and caring seem to have gone out of the picture. Instead people are about profiling, proving their prowess/powers/skill, and taking anything they can get, then boasting about it.

I'm very scared for my future kids ... :eusa_pray

[Xenocrates]

I concur. Just the other day I heard my old man saying that he's glad his children are adults. Cuz he'd be mortified of raising children, especially daughters, in this society as it has become. Bwoy I tell you. Kinda makes you not want to raise daughters anymore.

I wonder what today's parents are telling their sons? As far as I can tell, a son will emulate his father (or the nearest male-figure) to the T. Much of their behaviour will be a testament of the father's influence. We don't have many good male role models in our society today. It's the only logical explanation as to why so many of us males behave that way. My hats off to all the fathers out there who handle their business and raise exemplary sons. Cuz God knows, they'll be doing the fathers with daughters a BIG favour.

[Greatis]

Go Virus you go brother. Tell them don't hate the playa, hate the game. :rolleyes:

[Cocoa]

Go Virus you go brother. Tell them don't hate the playa, hate the game. :rolleyes:
...and you encouraging him to live this sortta lifestyle :icon_ques :icon_ques :rolleyes:

[Greatis]

...and you encouraging him to live this sortta lifestyle :icon_ques :icon_ques :rolleyes:

hmmmm a man's gotta do what a mans gotta do. ;)

[Bahama Mama]

Go Virus you go brother. Tell them don't hate the playa, hate the game. :rolleyes:


But there comes a point when the player is outwitted at his own game. For every action there is a reaction, and at some point after playing the game for so long, we finally meet our match.

[Bahama Mama]

hmmmm a man's gotta do what a mans gotta do. ;)

Which is bang every woman in sight. What every man in this day and age of AIDS, other STD's, and Lorena Bobbitt's, is strive for a monogamous relationship. The art of using people for ones own intimate pleasures can sometimes catch up with you in the most unpleasent of ways.

[Greatis]

Well let's just say some of us like to play it blind. Enjoy the spoils of war. The funny thing is it's fun


PS. Guys I am only being the devils advocate here.

[nuhsenutten]

thats y u gotta play it safe ................u gotta look out for urself out there
:eusa_shif

[BlackCryptoKnight]

Mi an' mi breddrin dem did a reason di odda day, an' di man dem a mek mi fi ovastan' seh eena di dating biznizz nowadayz, it a setup like seh man an' ooman deh eena Falujah or one a dem battlefield dem deh. Str8 war. Man haffi "perform" so ooman nuh ridicule 'im an' dem ting deh... Mek mi happy seh mi outa dem ting deh, cause a too much headache dat. How yuh fi enjoy yuh relationship, when you a flex like seh a competition yuh eena? How yuh fi have anything weh will last if a so yuh a operate?

[Manu]

Ok..took awhile to read BCK's post...lol.

anyways...I seriously believe Virus is a schizo...seriously....I not even laughing.

[virus_ncu]

Wait... a long time a dont come over this side, Unu neva see that i made a boo boo in the post and corrected it. The thread is not about me.

[Twinkie]

In reality only a few people have a monogamus relationship. The war can be as a result of both parties being stubborn. He knows what he wants and she knows what she likes. There is no compromise, hence, war.

[Evil_eyez]

Are people really happy with this though? It's such a selfish way to look at things. When you really love someone, it isn't about what they can do for you, it's what you can do for them. So right from the start with the "how well can you fulfill my needs" mentality, there is no real love, and it's doomed to fail.

The irony is, that by being focused more on giving, you will get in return. By focusing more on taking, you are more likely to lose in the long run (and lose plenty).

By looking to "play" each other, nobody wins. After living in "the game" where it's play or be played, eventually a persons ability to attract or even recognize and give true love, is diminished. They become jaded, cynical and cold.
Is all this so hard to see? :eusa_thin

i think i've reached this plateau, i've become real cold and dont have the ability to trust...this whole " Game" thing lessen your chances of being in a REAL relationship. you become so closed up that you dont even kno when someone actually loves you or r they just playing this catch of " I came, I saw, I conquered".

[Twinkie]

I think the game is really a cycle, I get Hurt, I become cold, I hurt you, You beign hurt, become selfish, hurt someone else. I mean how can we get over the hurt if in our "coldness" our "games" we can't open up to someone. Suppose you missed out on that ONE PERSON, becaue you were in Player mode? Who's to blame? You? or the person that hurt you and turned you into this monster? What about the person that hurt them?

[Manu]

I think the game is really a cycle, I get Hurt, I become cold, I hurt you, You beign hurt, become selfish, hurt someone else. I mean how can we get over the hurt if in our "coldness" our "games" we can't open up to someone. Suppose you missed out on that ONE PERSON, becaue you were in Player mode? Who's to blame? You? or the person that hurt you and turned you into this monster? What about the person that hurt them?

You know...I wrote a hell of a post on the sister site about this phenomenon which I experienced first hand and am now picking up the pieces of my life to make my lady friend happy. Unfortunately...it is all gone :( (the post)

[tradag]

im not fighting for no girl at all but if they want fight for me they can go and do it i will get a nice laugh

[Gwadinka]

There is another side effect for all this war/game that is the fright that some have to be in any kind of relationships. Not because they've been hurt or have hurt sb but just because they are afraid to hurt or to be hurt.

It may seem silly but I know many who, by dint of hearing all kinds of stories of cheating, warfare, men are all cheaters and women are not trustworthy told by friends, are sort of paralysed by the simple idea of dating someone. And that I think is the saddest part of it.

[g2cris]

im not fighting for no girl at all but if they want fight for me they can go and do it i will get a nice laugh
I dont think you get the question.

[nuhsenutten]

im not fighting for no girl at all but if they want fight for me they can go and do it i will get a nice laugh
i dont encourage violence of ne sort ...if it comes to that ...ill ...just b on my merry way ....i've come too far to get killed over stupidness

[Cocoa]

Another reason for this ongoing "warfare" is that each party or even one party is not willing to compromise. This can cause multiple issues in relationships.

[Evil_eyez]

I think the game is really a cycle, I get Hurt, I become cold, I hurt you, You beign hurt, become selfish, hurt someone else. I mean how can we get over the hurt if in our "coldness" our "games" we can't open up to someone. Suppose you missed out on that ONE PERSON, becaue you were in Player mode? Who's to blame? You? or the person that hurt you and turned you into this monster? What about the person that hurt them?
thats the sad part of the whole thing.it surely creates perpetual cycle where no one can have a REAL relationship

[nuhsenutten]

thats the sad part of the whole thing.it surely creates perpetual cycle where no one can have a REAL relationship
there are few ppl out there who are able to find real love ........ as tough as it may b adn it works for them u just gotta see thruough all the bullcrap

[easyskanka]

It might seem obvious and simplistic to say this,but lack of respect is what leads to so much, if not all of the ills that cause our society to break down and to be in a moral stae of decay.

Some of us are the perpetrators of gamesmanship/warfare between the sexes,others are the onlookers/cheerleaders,and we also have the tut-tut brigade who wag the head and finger and say:naughty, naughty very naughty.

Then last but not least we have the person who raised this topic.It is a heartfelt question asked at the right place where it can get a good public airing and also on the whole get an honest response,albeit maybe some surprise when people express honesty that might appear over the top.

And this is the rub; Virus_ncu might lack some tact in saying what he did but he should in my personal opinion be congratulated on is direct honesty with which he expressed his activity and also greater still his desire to reform the behavior he has been conducting.

To me,women are the greatest of God's creation, but i also think they are the greatest stumbling block to some men. Also women arent' stupid and know very well how weak and fallible some men are, or allow themselves to be, where they(women)are concerned.The less scrupulous ones employ this weakness of man to their distinct advantage and can easily lead many a puny male on her merry dance.

I havent' read the bible for many a long year and cannot quote chapter or verse to anyone.Also i've said before that i'm no bible basher but it has to be said that the bible does hold questions and answers to why we are where we're at and what we can do to see ourselves to a brighter future.

[nester-san]

Well, isn't this a public forum.....
So long as the talk does not get into gory details, we should be able to say what we like without fear of censorship..

However, for the sake of other members, you might want to create a new thread, with an AOC: (adult's only conversation) in title, so people who do not want to hear about this kind of stuff can stay out of thread ??

Does not have to be sexual, but sometimes people want to discuss intimate topics about life or themslves, which might be considered taboo or too much information for the more reserved members.
I, for example, do not go into any thread which discusses christianity.

[easyskanka]

I, for example, do not go into any thread which discusses christianity.[/QUOTE]

You may not go into such threads but I notice perhaps in your attempts to investigate biblical matters you make quotes from the book that contains the christian message,namely references to the psalms, Isaiah, deuteronomy etc.

For someone who is maybe a none believer,you got me beat when it comes to quoting scripture.Keep it up, the next step maybe one that surprises us all. :)

[nester-san]

What biblical matters... You mean my creature hunt??
That has nothing to do with christianity, I am interested in ancient extinct animal life, old testament just another source of info. I hold photo's of Loch Ness monster in as high a regard.

[easyskanka]

What biblical matters... You mean my creature hunt??
That has nothing to do with christianity, I am interested in ancient extinct animal life, old testament just another source of info. I hold photo's of Loch Ness monster in as high a regard.

God moves in mysterious ways nester-san. ;)

[BlackCryptoKnight]

3 years later and the battlefield is still running hot.

[Twinkie]

:dwl: :dwl:

Guess not much's changed huh BCK-san?

[Nika_869]

Because Men are now the women of the 21st century.

[BlackCryptoKnight]

:dwl: :dwl:

Guess not much's changed huh BCK-san?

Not much. It's probably gotten even more hostile now.