Only a Jamaican

[Precious]

Nuh Ramp Wid Yardie!!!!!!!



Breakfast Conversation - Jamaican And A Trini (Trinidadian)



A Jamaican is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissant, bread,
butter and jam when a Trini man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The
Jamaican ignores the Trini who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Trini: "You Jamaican folk eat the whole bread??"

Jamaican: (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Trini: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Trinidad, we only eat


what's inside. The crusts, we collect in a container, recycle it,
transform

them into croissants and sell them to the Jamaicans."



The Trini has a smirk on his face. The Jamaican listens in silence.


The Trini persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

The Jamaican: "Of course."

Trini: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In


Trinidad we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels,
seeds,

and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and
sell

the jam to the Jamaicans."

The Jamaican then asks: "Do you have sex in Trinidad?"

Trini: "Why of course we do", the Trini says with a big smirk.

Jamaican: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Trini: "We throw them away, of course."

Jamaican: "We don't. In Jamaica, we put them in a container, recycle
them,

melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Trinidad."

[Precious]

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his

money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money
more

than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife,
"Now

listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the
casket

with me, because I wanna take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he


died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was

sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When
they

finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close
the

casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all
that

money in there with that man. "

She said, "girl, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put
that

money in that casket with him, and I'm a woman of my word."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with that man?"

" I sure did," said the wife. "'I wrote him a check."

[Precious]

At the 1997 World Women's conference the first speaker from England
stood up:

"At last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our

husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband
that I

would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.
After

the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing but
after

the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The
crowd

cheered.

The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year's conference
I

went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and
that

he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After
the

second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done
not

only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered.

The third speaker from Jamaica stood up: "Hafter last year's conference
me

went 'ome and tell me 'usband that mi would no longer do him cooking,

cleaning or shoppin, and dat he would haffi do it imself. Hafter the
first

day me see nothin. Hafter the second day, me see nothin either. But
hafter

the third day, as the swelling went down, me could see a likkle bit
outta me

left eye.

[Precious]

A man from "deep country" went to the Montego Bay Airport, very
hysterical,

carrying his luggage, passport, and other necessary items for travel. He

anxiously asked the agent at the ticket counter, (with thick Jamaican

accent)" Do, sell me a ticket to Jeopardy, ma'am." The agent looked

confused. "Jeopardy, Sir? Where is that?"

The man got even more anxious & agitated. "Mi nuh ha' time fi fool. Jus'

sell mi a ticket to Jeopardy." The agent looked through her map and
other materials. "Sir, there is no such

place! Are you sure that's where you need to travel?"

The man lost his temper and slammed his fist on the counter.

"Look, 'ooman. Mi seh mi nuh have time fi fool. Mi hear pon mi radio dis

mawning seh 900 jobs inna Jeopardy so ah de suh mi wan' fi go NOW!"

[Precious]

Church feuds are not uncommon. But when the pastor and choir director
get into it, stand aside.

One week our pastor decided to press his position by preaching on

commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. That
Sunday,

the choir director led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.'

The next Sunday, the pastor preached on giving and how we should gladly
give

to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, 'Jesus
Paid

It All.'

The next Sunday, the pastor preached on gossiping and how we should
watch

our tongues. The hymn was 'I Love To Tell The Story.'

The pastor became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he
told

the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang 'Oh,
Why

Not Tonight.'

After the pastor resigned the next week, he preached his last sermon at
the

church telling the congregation that Jesus had led him there and Jesus
was

taking him away. The choir then sang, 'What A Friend We Have in Jesus.

[Precious]

Hope You Enjoyed These And Could Understand The Words!!!!!

[Leina]

Church feuds are not uncommon. But when the pastor and choir director
get into it, stand aside.

One week our pastor decided to press his position by preaching on

commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. That
Sunday,

the choir director led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.'

The next Sunday, the pastor preached on giving and how we should gladly
give

to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, 'Jesus
Paid

It All.'

The next Sunday, the pastor preached on gossiping and how we should
watch

our tongues. The hymn was 'I Love To Tell The Story.'

The pastor became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he
told

the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang 'Oh,
Why

Not Tonight.'

After the pastor resigned the next week, he preached his last sermon at
the

church telling the congregation that Jesus had led him there and Jesus
was

taking him away. The choir then sang, 'What A Friend We Have in Jesus.
lol deh mus did have some little problems a bet you seh a did a woman

[Leina]

A man from "deep country" went to the Montego Bay Airport, very
hysterical,

carrying his luggage, passport, and other necessary items for travel. He

anxiously asked the agent at the ticket counter, (with thick Jamaican

accent)" Do, sell me a ticket to Jeopardy, ma'am." The agent looked

confused. "Jeopardy, Sir? Where is that?"

The man got even more anxious & agitated. "Mi nuh ha' time fi fool. Jus'

sell mi a ticket to Jeopardy." The agent looked through her map and
other materials. "Sir, there is no such

place! Are you sure that's where you need to travel?"

The man lost his temper and slammed his fist on the counter.

"Look, 'ooman. Mi seh mi nuh have time fi fool. Mi hear pon mi radio dis

mawning seh 900 jobs inna Jeopardy so ah de suh mi wan' fi go NOW!"
lol dear lord dis ya man a di living ediat lol

[Master E]

Ongly inna Jamdung dem yah ting cya'an happin