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AngelsKiss
May 20, 2005, 08:52 AM
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Xenocrates
May 20, 2005, 10:53 AM
After all this while, still funny! :D

Leina
May 20, 2005, 11:18 AM
lol! dear lord some of these lawyers have no sense at all!

Manu
May 20, 2005, 01:39 PM
For real...heard it so many times...and yet it still gets a hearty chuckle....lol

virus_ncu
May 20, 2005, 08:12 PM
lol, all lawyer know to do is Chat chat chat.

Cocoa
May 20, 2005, 08:18 PM
:rotflm:

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
These are classics.... :dwl:

nuhsenutten
May 21, 2005, 12:23 AM
damn dddummies............talk bout daft :icon_lol:

Leina
May 21, 2005, 02:24 PM
dem a one set a blasted moo-moos

dtgo
May 21, 2005, 02:25 PM
:eusa_pray plaese pray for em dumb lawyers

a real classics as wah mi fren jus seh :icon_lol:

Leina
May 21, 2005, 05:21 PM
:eusa_pray plaese pray for em dumb lawyers

a real classics as wah mi fren jus seh :icon_lol:

truly i say onto you how ppl trust their lives with ppl like dat. dem put fool pon a whole new level

Greatis
May 21, 2005, 05:48 PM
No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. No that is the bomb. The last statement though is wicked. haha.

Chicokid
May 21, 2005, 06:54 PM
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.


ROFLMAO..This one should be nominated Arch Angel :icon_mrgr

Arch_Angel
May 22, 2005, 02:36 AM
Well you guys need to remember that the court reporters also had to sit through hours and hours of questioning before they heard any of these funny ones.


ROFLMAO..This one should be nominated Arch Angel Yeah it should. Unfortunetly only the older posted jokes are bing nominated, so as to revive some of the past jokes.

Kirby
September 19, 2005, 09:17 PM
this joke is good.........

bernie
September 20, 2005, 12:49 AM
never saw it before but trus mi....all now wata full up mi eyes....lol

virus_ncu
September 20, 2005, 08:30 AM
Saw it already and it still got me cracking up :dwl: LOL

distin
May 15, 2007, 12:17 PM
:sold: :dwl: :dwl: :jestera: :haha::haha:

root_gal
May 15, 2007, 03:35 PM
This bad eeh?:rotflm::dwl:

CyberCat
May 16, 2007, 05:55 PM
lol! dear lord some of these lawyers have no sense at all!

All lawyers .........