Children and girlfriend-boyfriend relationships

[BlackCryptoKnight]

Increasingly, children are entering into adult-like girlfriend-boyfriend relationships and are actually becoming sexually active. Why are kids in such a hurry to grow up? What age is the right age to start all the dating etc.? How do you tackle the whole issue of children and sex? Is there anything wrong with kids having these kinds of adult-like relationships?

[Manu]

I saw this thread coming a mile away. My first response is no...kids should focus on other things. Why? I have experienced it first hand. I was robbed of my youth because i was exposed to things way before my time. It can always be argued that if they are mature enough to handle it then they should. Truth is, if they are mature enough then they would have no need for such relations. It brings about too many responsibilities not even mentioning the risks involved. I say enjoy your youth. You may regret it in your later years.

[Malloc-X]

of course there is somethin wrong with children having adult relationship. they mostly do it because of peer pressure, week minds always fall to peer pressure. and the media does a great job influencin them to get into relationships

[BlackCryptoKnight]

I'm gonna reply to Trickster in this thread.



I never understood though why adults assume that teenagers cannot be fully focused on their school work and 'tackle adult issues' as u put it.
As you get older, it will become clearer to you.


I have handled both and contine to handle them quite well with no adverse effect on my education
It's good that you can deal with your schoolwork and other issues at the same time. That is a valuable skill you will need to call on constantly during your life. Not all are as fortunate as you to have developed that skill of multitasking, at an early age.

The issue is not just about adult issues interfering with your schoolwork (which is an important issue), but also about the impact that such issues have on the impressionable young mind. Being exposed to certain things at an early age, without sufficient guidance can lead to children developing flawed views about those things - and suffering disfunction later in life.

Kids shouldn't seek to complicate their lives and grow up too soon. They should enjoy every aspect of being a child, and enter adulthood without any stigmas or complexes brought on by too-early exposure to adult issues.

[Manu]

I'm gonna reply to Trickster in this thread.


As you get older, it will become clearer to you.


It's good that you can deal with your schoolwork and other issues at the same time. That is a valuable skill you will need to call on constantly during your life. Not all are as fortunate as you to have developed that skill of multitasking, at an early age.

The issue is not just about adult issues interfering with your schoolwork (which is an important issue), but also about the impact that such issues have on the impressionable young mind. Being exposed to certain things at an early age, without sufficient guidance can lead to children developing flawed views about those things - and suffering disfunction later in life.

Kids shouldn't seek to complicate their lives and grow up too soon. They should enjoy every aspect of being a child, and enter adulthood without any stigmas or complexes brought on by too-early exposure to adult issues.

Case in point: Michael Jackson

[Bahama Mama]

Increasingly, children are entering into adult-like girlfriend-boyfriend relationships and are actually becoming sexually active. Why are kids in such a hurry to grow up? What age is the right age to start all the dating etc.? How do you tackle the whole issue of children and sex? Is there anything wrong with kids having these kinds of adult-like relationships?


I dont know why kids are in such a hurry to enter the often times tumultuous adult years. I mean teenage years are hard enough as it. If I was a parent I would strongly discourage my young child (male or female) to enter adult like relationships. Because if kids feel they are adult, they feel they are ready for adult things, like sex, but what about a young baby? When that type of situation pops up, the self proclaiming adults, all of a sudden whimper like lost babes in the woods.

Kids often mimick their peers. When I was in school, everyone was trying to pair up with someone, just beacuse everyone else was.

Ideally I believe kids should not start darting until out of high school. One shouldnt be distracted with some jealous bf or gf, while trying to pass end of semester and national exams.

i dont know how I would handle the situation, not being a parent myself. But parents should try to keep their kids busy with school activities and hobbies, as well have heart to heart talks with them, maybe outlining your own experiences.

[Cocoa]

I think kids should be kids and get to know themselves before attempting to pilot any relationship.

[Twinkie]

When I was in basic school we used to talk about hook, juk, doogoo doogoo and wine up. But that was all talk. 5 and 6 Y-o's are singing "tek bu**y" and knowing what the act is. And if they're curious enough, I believe will act on it. With the passing of time, and the increased access to technology, children will be able to see porn before they hit the third grade. What we need to do as prospective responsible parents, is believe in early sex education. They're going to experiment REGARDLESS, why not arm them with all the right information.

To answer the other question, I think dating is best after CXC so if you take the exam at fifteen then fifteen for you. Sex is definitely with a person you've been talking to for longer than a year. I've always felt that if he's been waiting around that long he can hit it. For our more religious yardies, after marriage always works.

[BlackCryptoKnight]

When I was in basic school we used to talk about hook, juk, doogoo doogoo and wine up. But that was all talk. 5 and 6 Y-o's are singing "tek bu**y" and knowing what the act is. And if they're curious enough, I believe will act on it. With the passing of time, and the increased access to technology, children will be able to see porn before they hit the third grade. What we need to do as prospective responsible parents, is believe in early sex education. They're going to experiment REGARDLESS, why not arm them with all the right information.

I don't think that it is a foregone conclusion that all kids will "experiment". I do believe that teaching them the facts, when they are ready, and guiding them is important. But I think that if parents adopt the attitude that "they're gonna go do it anyway" then in a way, they are selling their kids short, and admitting to failure as a parent. There are still good kids out there who don't engage in those things - but sadly, the numbers are diminishing.


To answer the other question, I think dating is best after CXC so if you take the exam at fifteen then fifteen for you. Sex is definitely with a person you've been talking to for longer than a year. I've always felt that if he's been waiting around that long he can hit it.

Can a child at 15 support a baby? Can a child at fifteen adequately deal with the emotional challenges that come with intimate relationships? I don't think they really can. All the kids that I've known that played around with girlfriend and boyfriend before adulthood, put themselves through unnecessary stress and strain, and suffered as a result. None of them stayed with the partners they hooked up with, many of them are now jaded and bitter, and some have developed serious complexes about the whole relationship thing -either being "dogs" or "loose" and whatnot.

If a person (not just a child) cannot handle the negatives that may come about from intimate relationships, then they should stay away from them. A child at 15, who is unemployed and dependent, has no business having sex and running the risk of pregnancy or STD's.


For our more religious yardies, after marriage always works.

There's a practical reason for that religious belief. Think about it. Every sexual encounter you have puts you at physical risk for either STDs or pregnancy. If you are not waiting until marriage, then it's very likely that you will eventually have multiple partners. That's more risk - especially considering that if they have also had sex with others, that they have been exposed to risk in that way.

Every sexual encounter also has a psychological impact. When you have sex, you bond with your partner on an emotional level - even if it is just for that moment. There is an expectation of commitment. Having your body make that promise of commitment with people you really have no intention to truly commit to will take it's psychological toll as time goes on.

Either way, kids shouldn't be rushing to get into this intimate relationship thing. Have good friends, and get to know people, but hold off on the commitment and sex until you are mature enough to truly deal with it the right way.

[Manu]

When I was in basic school we used to talk about hook, juk, doogoo doogoo and wine up. But that was all talk. 5 and 6 Y-o's are singing "tek bu**y" and knowing what the act is. And if they're curious enough, I believe will act on it. With the passing of time, and the increased access to technology, children will be able to see porn before they hit the third grade. What we need to do as prospective responsible parents, is believe in early sex education. They're going to experiment REGARDLESS, why not arm them with all the right information.

To answer the other question, I think dating is best after CXC so if you take the exam at fifteen then fifteen for you. Sex is definitely with a person you've been talking to for longer than a year. I've always felt that if he's been waiting around that long he can hit it. For our more religious yardies, after marriage always works.

And how long have you been in a relationship? ;)

Don't answer...I'm just kidding. That is your perogative still. You should monitor your child so that they don't become exposed to these lude acts at an early and impressionable age. I believe that they can have a favorite guy/girl friend at age 15 but intimacy should be left until they are more mature and responsible.

[g2cris]

You cant generalize too much by saying that kids of whatever age must not get involved in relationships. In our society however, children are exposed to sex just by waking up on saturday morning and turning on the radio.

So the onus is really on the parent to not restrict the child but empower the child with their guaidance and wealth of experience and knowledge so as to allow them to not make foolish decisions.

My parents I think did a very good job at not being too over-protective and also talking to us straight(not talking down to us, more like adult to adult even if you are 12yrs).

We must stop assuming that children are incapable of making good decisions, sometimes they are better decision makers than adults when armed with the same amount of information.

There will be instances when a child for whatever reason becomes obsessed with the idea of relationships and sex at an extremely early age, if that is the case and the parent recognises it, they should then take steps to inform the child also of the dangers involved while keeping close eye on him/her.

I do look down upon the adults who seek to lure children(meaning still in high school or lower or of high school age incase they drop out) into sex tho.

I would recomend that as a perant you should build a relationship such that you are comfortable talking about such things with your children, eg. Introducing that fully developed 15 yr old to the proper us of a comdom whether or not they are sexually active.

[BlackCryptoKnight]

Nothing wrong with kids having platonic friendships with the opposite sex - but they shouldn't be getting physical. Parents do have a responsibility to arm their children with the relevant information so they can make good decisions, but having the information doesn't give children licence to engage in certain things before they are mature.

To hear kids talking about "bun" and cheating and "satisfying your partner" is just ridiculous. They shouldn't be engaging in anything which carries the risk of "bun" or necessitates "satisfying" a partner. That's too much headache and drama for a young developing mind.

[pogi_2nr]

What do you call a child BCN?

[BlackCryptoKnight]

What do you call a child BCN?

Anybody who isn't mature enough to support themselves emotionally and otherwise.

[Twinkie]

@ BCK, Not every fifteen year old will have sex and get pregnant. Not every 30 year old now has sex and gets pregnant. In my definitoin of sex education, I'd have to discuss early pregnancies, STDs, VDs, heart break and all other things associated with Sex. Do you think I would tell my child, "having sex is him sticking it in to your stuff and it's only for adults," and leave it at that? I would arm them with all the information they need, maybe even more than they need to know. And I'm not waiting for them to reach fifteen either. Or else radio and television would have already schooled them into believeing that EVERYBODY has sex at 10. I'd rather my child be amongst her friends at school and during one of their lunchtime conversations, she's EDUCATING her peers on all that having sex at a young age entails. I mean my friends and I talked about it from as early as third form, and were grossly mistaken. I don't want that for my child. Who knows, my talk with her may eventually correct one of her friends.


We must stop assuming that children are incapable of making good decisions, sometimes they are better decision makers than adults when armed with the same amount of information. True word true word!

[BlackCryptoKnight]

@ BCK, Not every fifteen year old will have sex and get pregnant. Not every 30 year old now has sex and gets pregnant.
Not everyone who plays Russian Roulette shoots themself either. Pregnancy isn't the only risk associated with sexual contact.


In my definitoin of sex education, I'd have to discuss early pregnancies, STDs, VDs, heart break and all other things associated with Sex. Do you think I would tell my child, "having sex is him sticking it in to your stuff and it's only for adults," and leave it at that? I would arm them with all the information they need, maybe even more than they need to know. And I'm not waiting for them to reach fifteen either. Or else radio and television would have already schooled them into believeing that EVERYBODY has sex at 10.
Like I said, there's nothing wrong with telling your kids the facts. One must be careful to ensure that one of the facts you educate your kids about, is that even if you cover all bases with regards to STD's and pregnancy, there are psychological and emotional impacts of sexual contact that will affect them for the rest of their lives - whether positive or negative.


I'd rather my child be amongst her friends at school and during one of their lunchtime conversations, she's EDUCATING her peers on all that having sex at a young age entails. I mean my friends and I talked about it from as early as third form, and were grossly mistaken. I don't want that for my child. Who knows, my talk with her may eventually correct one of her friends.
Nothing wrong with kids discussing the facts and educating their peers on the real facts.

The problem comes about when kids, feel they are adults, and can handle adult things, and start acting on their sexual impulses. Sex is meant to be an expression of a deeply commited marital relationship. If it is taken out of that context, that is where the problems begin.

There have several studies published showing the effects of early sexual involvement on children and adolescents. Here is one. (http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/cyp/xsteesex.htm) Please search the web for others. Many adults can't even handle intimate relationships and sex, so kids definitely shoudln't be jumping into that mix until they are sufficiently mature.

[Twinkie]

The problem comes about when kids, feel they are adults, and can handle adult things, and start acting on their sexual impulses. Many adults can't even handle intimate relationships and sex, so kids definitely shoudln't be jumping into that mix until they are sufficiently mature.

There's some contradiction somewhere in there I just can't put my finger on it yet.

My question is this. HOW do you prevent a child from feeling he or she is an adult? By constantly talking down to them? Treating them like babies? Keeping the outside world from them by sheltering them so much they have no idea what's really going on? Do you tell them they are children until they move out?

Sheltering ALWAYS backfires. Curiousity wins out in the end all the time. I've seen it too many times.

How and when will they begin acting like adults, if they are always dealt with like and addressed as children? I'm not saying they need to be "jumping", I'm simply saying, let's help them make INFORMED DECISIONS. If they decide to grind at 12, they would have already known the risks and effects. Maybe knowing will keep them from doing so a year or two later.

[BlackCryptoKnight]

There's some contradiction somewhere in there I just can't put my finger on it yet. Happy hunting.



My question is this. HOW do you prevent a child from feeling he or she is an adult? By constantly talking down to them? Treating them like babies? Keeping the outside world from them by sheltering them so much they have no idea what's really going on? Do you tell them they are children until they move out?

Nobody said anything about treating children like babies. They should be dealt with in a way that is appropriate for their level of maturity. When it's time to let go, it's time to let go. But until then, there should be rules which they should be made to comply with -while they are being educated on the facts of life and how to live life.


Sheltering ALWAYS backfires. Curiousity wins out in the end all the time. I've seen it too many times.
Nobody is saying children must be completely sheltered. But recognize that for a time, they do need to be protected from certain negative influences until they have been given the tools to adequately deal with them.


How and when will they begin acting like adults, if they are always dealt with like and addressed as children? I'm not saying they need to be "jumping", I'm simply saying, let's help them make INFORMED DECISIONS.

Hey....we agree. Inform the kids.



If they decide to grind at 12, they would have already known the risks and effects.
And they still would be making the wrong choice. This is the problem. Some kids feel that because they have been "empowered" with some information from wherever, that they are now capable of making those serious life-altering choices for themselves, rather than following the guidance of persons entrusted with their care who are older, wiser, and more experienced than they are.

A child at 12, with hormones raging - which is new to them, is not very likely to have grasped all the implications and complexities of initiating their sex life at such an early age - even if they have some information. They are simply not equipped to deal with the consequences of their actions. They have no income of their own. They are dependent. If they get ill, or get pregnant, they cannot deal with that on their own, if at all. If they are considering "grinding" at 12 then they've clearly missed the point of all the information about sex etc. that their parents should have given them.


Maybe knowing will keep them from doing so a year or two later.

It is not enough to just tell a child some information and hope that they will follow it. As a parent, you are in control, and will have to assert that control in order to keep your child on the right path until they have come of age. When they have come of age, then they make their own choices, and will be accountable for them.

Too many parents today fall down in this regard and that is why so many kids are running around "force-ripe" and forward. Kids are kids. Treat them like kids. Nurture them like kids. Empower them like kids. When they become adults, then treat them like adults.

It always amazes me when my wife tells me the stories of the kids coming into the the hospital with HIV and talking about having had multiple sex partners and whatnot. Or about the kids coming in to give birth.

Society bears the burden for kids engaging in sex prematurely. Our health care system bears the burden, our tax dollars bear the burden, and in some cases, people's lifes are lost - because kids have kids and can't take care of them, so people resort to crime, and take peoples lives.

Trust me. Many of those "early bloomers" live to regret their actions later in life. Many develope a bitter and disillusioned view on relationships, and are quite jaded. Then they wish they could turn back the clock. But the can't.

They weren't prepared for that feeling.