In a relationship, how long should you wait before getting married?

[BlackCryptoKnight]

How long should you be in a relationship before you get married?

[Cocoa]

Another smack bottom BCK, comming up with these tough questions.

I think at least a year. Alot of getting to know each other, prayer and making sure this person is the one.

Also, it would depends on the person's age and situation to marry any later or sooner.
Like if there is alot of distance between the two parties, I say wait a couple of years. Spend some quality time together. If I am in my 50s approaching 60s, a year won't be bad.

i think the longer to wait, the stronger the marriage will be.

[deakie]

hohoho....bck...that one is well touchy.....how long is a peice of string......
how about until you feel right and the feeling is mutual....

edit*
if you are an illegal alien, then i guess straight away....sorz....couldnt help that one.... :icon_mrgr

[Cocoa]

hohoho....bck...that one is well touchy.....how long is a peice of string......
how about until you feel right and the feeling is mutual....

edit*
if you are an illegal alien, then i guess straight away....sorz....couldnt help that one.... :icon_mrgrLOL deakie ur a joker u know, yu crack mi up!

[deakie]

i aim to please while being serious.... :cool:

life too short man......cho

[Arch_Angel]

Some people now-a-days treat marriage as if it was going into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship like in high school days. They enjoy being together for a while, then just breakup afterwards. Do it for the fun of it. Taking marriage for a joke.

I believe you should form a friendship before you get married. Not basing your marriage on if you both FEEL good about each other. Feelings come and go like the wind. Do we stay angry forever? Do we stay sad forever? If persons build thier marriage on a foundation of feelings, then that marriage is going to crumble like dust.

Build a friendship. If your spouse gets in a accident and gets disfigured, you can rely on your friendship to pull you through. That is, if you plan on spending the rest of your life with them.

[BlackCryptoKnight]

I believe you should form a friendship before you get married. ...

Build a friendship. If your spouse gets in a accident and gets disfigured, you can rely on your friendship to pull you through. That is, if you plan on spending the rest of your life with them.

Well said. I agree with you 100%

[Arch_Angel]

People have the delusion that they will get to know the person more when they are married. That is so wrong!!!! They are practically marrying a stranger.

Get to know the person BEFORE marriage. Marriage brings more problems that both the man and woman will need to deal with. When these problems arise, you need someone who you can trust, someone you know who will stick with you no matter what, someone you know who won't bail on you when it gets hard.

If people are willing to get married to a strangerand soend the rest of thier lives with them, why not start a relationship with God? Sounds like the perfect stranger to spend the rest of your life with.

[Chicokid]

Marriage is honourable.

Hmm...I think that persons should date each other for about two years before getting married. Like Arch_Angel said you should know your spouse fully before taking the step of marriage like "outside the heavy makeup"..LOL :D

People these days are taking marriage as a joke. That's why there is an increase in the number of divorce cases. To add insult to injury, check and see what the divorce is about...like today I saw on TV a wife wanting a divorce from her husbband cause he put on weight :icon_eek: Some people also jump into marriage cause of a child created between them outside of marriage and they feel the best hope is getting married. I don't support this cause even if you made a mistake with that persons in having a child don't mean that person is the truth one for you.

Before jumping into marriage, people must have their priorities straight out especialy young pals. Firstly proper education is the way to survive in the 21st century. This includes university degrees, bachelors, etc....Once this is complete, then focus on starting a family with that special someone.

Remember a marriage joins two (man and woman) into one. That way, both persons share their joys, happiness, and pains. That's why the vows say "in sickness and in the health"

[deakie]

21 years and based on how we felt about each other after being together for a while too....
stats of daily life defines how you cope together. but if your feelings arent mutual to any relationship, it aint going nowhere.
most of the relationships i have seen based on some kind of logical thought of success didnt make it. they just wind up drifting apart as there was nothing there to hold them in the first place.
love is a feeling. feeling are your emotions. its difficult to be guided by just the logic of thought when the very essence of our being is feelings.

[Cocoa]

CK: People these days are taking marriage as a joke. That's why there is an increase in the number of divorce cases.So true. Some people especially in the famous arena goes into marriage with a blind eye and an open heart where they think that there is a way out if the crap hits the fan. So they rig up all these ideas as a 'just-in-case-" plan, if the marriage doesn't survive. So they settle for divorce, prenuptial agreements, move back home to parents plan, his & her house, and quick fixes to name a few.

By far I believe the longer you wait before getting married, the more you will get to know the person and nourish such relationship.

My Pastor in Jamaica once told me, marriage doesn't begin when you say 'I do". It begins from the moment the agreement was made to be in an intimate female, male relationship. So we must keep that in mind, when choosing life partners.

[BlackCryptoKnight]

My Pastor in Jamaica once told me, marriage doesn't begin when you say 'I do". It begins from the moment the agreement was made to be in an intimate female, male relationship. So we must keep that in mind, when choosing life partners.

Very wise counsel indeed. :eusa_thin :eusa_clap

If people took intimate relationships more seriously, with the view that it should lead to a life together in marriage then:

1. Individuals would be get to know people better before even committing to a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. They'd be friends first.

2. They would abstain from behaviour which would put them at risk until they were sure of a lifetime commitment.

3. They would learn to develop true love rather than settle for infatuation.

There would definitely be a more stable foundation for marriage.

[Cocoa]

If people took intimate relationships more seriously, with the view that it should lead to a life together in marriage then:

1. Individuals would be get to know people better before even committing to a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. They'd be friends first.

2. They would abstain from behaviour which would put them at risk until they were sure of a lifetime commitment.

3. They would learn to develop true love rather than settle for infatuation.

There would definitely be a more stable foundation for marriage.Which brings us to another point, what are the fundamental requirements of building a relationship?

[Arch_Angel]

Which brings us to another point, what are the fundamental requirements of building a relationship?
Friendship.

[BlackCryptoKnight]

Which brings us to another point, what are the fundamental requirements of building a relationship?

Mutual respect, commitment and trust ... oh...love :)

[Chicokid]

Continuous love and romance...those should grow as the relationship does :D

[Greatis]

I find it ridiculous to get married after a couple of years... can you know the person well enough after a couple swings huh I don't think so... do people spend time anymore to become friends get to know the little stuff about each other before getting married... no unfortunately that is a dying art...


Part of the problem is that people tend to jump directly into a relationship and then to marraige... People don't become friends anymore and then move to marriage so that during the marraige you not only have a husband/wife but a best friend...

[Cocoa]

I find it ridiculous to get married after a couple of years... So based on what you have said here and above, the question still remains, HOW LONG?

[Greatis]

well time frame is kinda hard to put on it... A question like this has no answer really cause it's just a matter opinion that will change from person to person... I for one well I think a year or two years is too short of a time hmmm I would think after 4yrs you would have a basic understanding of your partner...

[Arch_Angel]

But doesn't that have to do with the amount of time you spend with each other? If you see other everyday, work together everyday, talk to each other everyday, go out everyda, do you still need a lot of time to understand your partner?

But I do agree with you Greatis, don't take me wrong. :)
Waiting before getting married allows you to see how your partner deals with different situations in life. Do they break down or do they take a stand? Do they give up easily? Do they go crazy and start to drink and lock themselves in thier room?

Stuff like that you don't find out in a few months.

[Cocoa]

]Waiting before getting married allows you to see how your partner deals with different situations in life. Do they break down or do they take a stand? Do they give up easily? Do they go crazy and start to drink and lock themselves in thier room?Get to see the real face behind the makeup ha. LOL

[seanbee]

Saw this article online, thought you guys might find it interesting


f you're not married yet, share it with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples . . . and reflect on it. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low-self esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, wealth and security are the wrong reasons to be in relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children, daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note, etc). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember, for Richer or for Poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion. "Nurture your mind with great thoughts for you will never go any higher than you think."

[InkyP1]

Wait forever and dont get married my mind might change tomorrow, but today I say to h$ll with marriage :confused:

[Chicokid]

Wait forever and dont get married my mind might change tomorrow, but today I say to h$ll with marriage :confused:

Why that thought about marriage...is it the commitment forever part :icon_ques

[InkyP1]

Chico dont try to read to much into it Ok. Im just sayin today thats how I feel about the marriage ting. You want me to elaborate? Committing is not the relative issue here. It is the ceremonial act of marriage. Is it necessary to do it? That's what Im talking about. :)

[Cocoa]

Well then Ink you would have to come from a view point of:
"what does marriage meant to you?" And with your answer, you can determine your position in life based on your opinion on marriage.

[Greatis]

hmmm nice twist taking place here.

@ Seanbee interesting article still. It's rather true though because observing my mother and father they well let's just say my mother has practised the shutting the eye part very well for the 40yrs of marriage.

[InkyP1]

Well then Ink you would have to come from a view point of:
"what does marriage meant to you?" And with your answer, you can determine your position in life based on your opinion on marriage.

hmmmm. I think I was acknowledging someones question. Directed towards and answer that I gave. Thank you Miss Jacocoa. Check!

[Pondadat]

Chico dont try to read to much into it Ok. Im just sayin today thats how I feel about the marriage ting. You want me to elaborate? Committing is not the relative issue here. It is the ceremonial act of marriage. Is it necessary to do it? That's what Im talking about. :)


Ok, for alot of people Inky, its necessary because of the values and beliefs. And so they feel that in order to fulfill that relationship, they committ to each other with a ceremony that BONDS! them together. And any further explanation, well I will say because its their bizzness! :p

[Drew]

am i too late to answer the question??

i think you should wait 6 months before being with someone having them as a friend, after that i believe 4-5 years is ideal, and should live together for about 3 months before marrage.

[Bashment Girl]

am i too late to answer the question??

i think you should wait 6 months before being with someone having them as a friend, after that i believe 4-5 years is ideal, and should live together for about 3 months before marrage.

I agree for the most part EXCEPT the live together thing.. it should be a year exactly! I can put on a show for 3 months and trick you, but a year? The truth will come out by then! :cool:

[Drew]

can i tell you thats wat i was thinking. not sure y, jus didn't want to post stating a year. go figure.

[Master E]

So a year suitable ?