Living together before marriage

[Cocoa]

What do you think about living together before getting married?

[BlackCryptoKnight]

What do you think about living together before getting married?

Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

[deakie]

rofl @ bck........

i did...it prepared me.....never had any kids during that period either.....but that was just being sensible :eusa_shif

[BlackCryptoKnight]

Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

Please don't think I'm calling anybody a cow :eusa_shif

Why not just get married if you're going to be acting like it?

[Cocoa]

Why not just get married if you're going to be acting like it?
Yeah, but wouldn't it depends on how long you been together?

[deakie]

both the muslim and hindu indian cultures practise something like that....arranged marriages.....

[BlackCryptoKnight]

I think people take a lot of risks by living together before getting married.
People take risks getting married too, but at least there is the commitment before man and God that the two people are going to be faithful to each other. That commitment tends to give more incentive to work at maintaining the relationship.

When people live together without that kind of committment, what assurances do either party have that the motives for the relationship are wholesome? What assurances do they have that their partner will be devoted to them no matter what?

With many intimate relationships today (girlfriend/boyfriend) there seems to be this concept of an "exit clause" that exists to give either party an path out of the relationship if things don't work out as they like. This exit clause takes the incentive out of sacrificing and working at the relationship. It diminishes the value somewhat.

If you're not sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, then it's not a good idea to live with them as if you are married, because it's very likely that the relationship will not last and the emotional toll of giving of yourself with nothing to show for it after can be very painful.

If you are sure that you want to spend the rest of you rlife with somebody, then just go ahead and marry them.

[deakie]

divorce rates are extremely high now bck...this shows tht the ppl are not compatible.....this leaves a problem....
how long did you wait if you are married....if you dont mind of course....

[Cocoa]

Good point but this leaves a question in my mind bck: how can 2 walk together unless they be agreed?

[BlackCryptoKnight]

divorce rates are extremely high now bck...this shows tht the ppl are not compatible.....this leaves a problem....

I agree deakie. The problems are likely to be :

1. People did not take enough time to know their spouses before they got married, so they probably should not have gotten married yet.

2. The value people place on marriage has been diminished. People are believing more and more that marriages are not worth the effort and sacrifice to keep them going.

3. People are not equipped to deal with the magnitude of attacks on the marriage institution. By this I mean that society has manifested several threats to marriage - the increased focus on sex in the media makes it awfully difficult for people to keep pure thoughts these days. Impure thoughts can lead to impure actions (adultery). Also increased pressures at the workplace and the state of the economy takes up the time and energies of spouses so much so that they don't get to spend the time needed to nurture their relationships.



how long did you wait if you are married....if you dont mind of course....

Ask me that in the other thread ;)

[Arch_Angel]

Good points BCK. Seems like we agree on these things.

I don't think it is a good idea to live together before you're married, unless the proposal has been made and the wedding is in the works. :)

But as BCK mentioned, if you're going to live together, why not get married and then go do that? What is there to gain by living together before marriage?

[Cocoa]

I have a friend that is a christian, both of them, and they live together. Does that make them heathens?

[BlackCryptoKnight]

I have a friend that is a christian, both of them, and they live together. Does that make them heathens?

It just makes them Christians who may be living in contradiction to their beliefs. There is still hope for them as long as they acknowledge that what they are doing is contrary to their values, and act to rectify the situation with God.

Nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. The important thing is that we strive to stop making mistakes and rely on God to help us.

[Cocoa]

I believe all you said BCk, but they don't think they are doing nothing wrong. Seperate rooms they say. But I know this flesh, it wrestles with the things of the Spirit, so they say they are strong enough and they don't do 'anything'.

Okay, i take their word for it, but it's just like bringing the donkey to the well and forcing him to drink the water after a long ride. Now all this living together thing, is now 'forcing', rather, 'allowing' them to think of getting married soon.
Which leads to another question discussed in another thread.

I care about them and don't want to see them get hurt you know. But they say they are straight and it's just 'living together to share expences".
ok?!

[BlackCryptoKnight]

I believe all you said BCk, but they don't think they are doing nothing wrong. Seperate rooms they say. But I know this flesh, it wrestles with the things of the Spirit, so they say they are strong enough and they don't do 'anything'.

Okay, i take their word for it, but it's just like bringing the donkey to the well and forcing him to drink the water after a long ride. Now all this living together thing, is now 'forcing', rather, 'allowing' them to think of getting married soon.
Which leads to another question discussed in another thread.

I care about them and don't want to see them get hurt you know. But they say they are straight and it's just 'living together to share expences".
ok?!

It is possible for them to be living in the same house, but in separate rooms, but as you said, there would be some serious temptation. Now, it may not be the smartest thing for them to be in that situation if they want to remain pure. The other issue is that when you espouse certain values, yet are perceived to be living in contradiction to them, your credibility suffers.

This is why Christians strive not only to say the right things, but also to do the right things. They should strive to shun even the appearance of sin. It's not a nice thing to be defending your faith, then to have your credibility attacked because you appeared to be living in contradiction to your beliefs.

[Cocoa]

Hmmm..for real. A choice of being hot or cold ha....no luke warm ting... mi see yu.

[Greatis]

Hmmm..fo real. A coice of being hot or cold ha....no luck warm ting... mi see yu.

I believe that should be luke ja...

Anywayz good question and a tricky one...

I could argue both sides of the coin

on one side you could say that it allows you to simulate marriage :rolleyes:

on the other side which I subscribe it well no of course not... Marriage is a sacred act and I do believe that you detract from it by living together before the act... There isn't anything to look forward to... Basically you know the person in and out already hmmm where's the excitement in that...

[seanbee]

I currently live with my girlfriend and marriage is not in the works now. I think that living together with someone though before marriage can have great benefits:


It stimulates marriage, preparing the individuals for the real thing
Both persons get to spend a lot of time together and thus they can get to know each other better quicker
It exposes the individuals to each other, their pet peeves, their bad habits etc and as such, one can easily know if they would be willing to get married to the person based on their new found knowledge
Expenses are shared which enables the couple to save some money which by the way could be used to pay for a wedding over time
Can create a greater sense of friendship between the two


There are other benefits that I don't have time to list right now, but I must add that I am not saying that one should act in contradiction to their religious beliefs but in certain cases, living together with someone before marriage can be a good move

[Cocoa]

marriage is not in the works nowNot to impose on you or nothing like that, but is the living situation as a result of this statement made?

[seanbee]

The main reason we opted to live together was to cut our expenses, which we have done in almost half, so we are better able to use our savings to do other stuff like just going out and having fun, acquring assets and saving for the future. When i said marriage is not in the works now, what I meant was that, nothing is planned in that department right now but I do hope and have every intention of getting married to her

[BlackCryptoKnight]

The main reason we opted to live together was to cut our expenses, which we have done in almost half, so we are better able to use our savings to do other stuff like just going out and having fun, acquring assets and saving for the future. When i said marriage is not in the works now, what I meant was that, nothing is planned in that department right now but I do hope and have every intention of getting married to her
What's stopping you from marrying her right now since you are already acting like you're married?
What would change if you were to get married to her right now?
Do you have the "exit clause" tucked away somewhere? That is, do you feel like the relationship is ok for now, but you may change your mind in the future?

[deakie]

when ppl get married and then get divorced, its harder than when they live together and then seperate.

[seanbee]

BCK, when i get married i hope to stay married, I am not going to force a marriage just because me and my girl choose to live together because of economic gain. What I also find is that most of you guys are making out marriage to be just two people living together, not because me and my girl live together means that we are ready for marriage, as you said we are probably acting like it, but we are not ready for the big leagues at this time.

[InkyP1]

Its up to the person to live their how they see it. Unless they have to live up to other people standards.

[Drew]

living together before marriage i think is a must. i'm a neat freak and i think you should see your spouse to be environment before getting married.

just adding my thoughts to the dead thread.

[Arch_Angel]

living together before marriage i think is a must. i'm a neat freak and i think you should see your spouse to be environment before getting married.

just adding my thoughts to the dead thread.
That sounds similar to the argument posed by couples about sex:
"I want to make sure the sex is good before I marry her/him."
"I want to feel what sex is like before I get married."

So basically you saying, couples should try out all the things married couples do, before they are married, so they can be comfortable and experienced when they marry?

[Drew]

no boss, i can't stand this crap bout looking under the hood, or testing out the goods, those statements sound barbaric to me.

not everything, but most. and its not a matter of experience, just getting to know each other.

[Arch_Angel]

So you thinking just dating someone for a few years is not enough?

[Bashment Girl]

So basically you saying, couples should try out all the things married couples do, before they are married, so they can be comfortable and experienced when they marry?

Mi head uh hot mi now:( lol..:p

Well if you're going to be traditional about marriage abstain from sex and all of that, then you might as well be traditional about the whole thing!

In 2004 the majority isn't being traditional about marriage at all. In that case I say you might as well live together first!

[Drew]

it ain't quantity its quality. if the 2 of u kno each other well, then a few years can be sufficient.

do u think some of these men who hurt women abusively acts like that b4 they live together. i don't think so. i would be annoyed with a spouse who is nasty. i would have to do something about that, but u get wat i'm saying right??

[Arch_Angel]

But if you try out the whole marriage thing before getting married, what's the point in getting married? Where's the excitement and fun in getting married?

[Drew]

i hear ya boss. but u just wanna make sure ur compatible in as many ways as possible.

[Bashment Girl]

So you thinking just dating someone for a few years is not enough?

I can atest to the fact that you do not know a person completely until you live with them. I mean take it outside of a relationship... you know how many friends of mine lived with a high school friend, that they knew for upwards of 5 years, through college/university and now, no longer speak to each other? It's the same when dating. A lot of things come out in a relationship when you share a residence and, when you are now around each other more.

When you live together the "space" thing can become an issue! When you live apart and you don't feel like being around each other you can go home... now what do you do? You have to go out, to be alone? A lot of people have issues with that. I've seen it! Besides that... there's the issue of habits that the other person wasnt aware of and so on.

[Arch_Angel]

So drew, you don't think a guy or girl will show thier true self in the years they are dating? You think they can keep up a 'good guy' 'good girl' cover for so long? Then drop it after they are married?

I think dating a potential spouse for a few years will allow the both of them to go through situations that will bring out the true self of each person. The waiting breaks down the whole 'front' so to speak, that a person puts up when in a new relationship. And you get to know the 'real' person. And you skip the whole living together part.

[Bashment Girl]

But if you try out the whole marriage thing before getting married, what's the point in getting married? Where's the excitement and fun in getting married?

I hear you. If you're going to be traditional about marriage then that should be across the board though not just when it comes to living together;)

[Drew]

i think they'll show their true self yes. but not as much as if you're living together.

[Drew]

looks like i've digged up a really nice topic here.

[AngelsKiss]

it ain't quantity its quality. if the 2 of u kno each other well, then a few years can be sufficient.

do u think some of these men who hurt women abusively acts like that b4 they live together. i don't think so. i would be annoyed with a spouse who is nasty. i would have to do something about that, but u get wat i'm saying right??

Actually because the masses does some thing doesnt mean its necessarily right.

[Bashment Girl]

I think dating a potential spouse for a few years will allow the both of them to go through situations that will bring out the true self of each person. The waiting breaks down the whole 'front' so to speak, that a person puts up when in a new relationship. And you get to know the 'real' person. And you skip the whole living together part.

It's not always about a "front" though! It's about compatibiltiy! For example:

I know a guy who got married at 31 to a girl who was 27. They dated for 7 years before they got married and bought their place together after. Good so far? Well, whn they started to live together he realised that what he considers a comfortable home, is not her idea of a ideal home nor did she care! Certain hbits of his drive her crazy and, certain things she carries on with drive him nuts! They fight about it all the time. They aren't divorced, but they don't really talk to each other and they both are completely irritated but one another's presence in the home! Isn't that counter productive?

[Drew]

Actually because the masses does some thing doesnt mean its necessarily right.i can't believe u think i'll think thats right.

[Arch_Angel]

I would find it very hard to live with someone that I am not married to (not talking about my family). Being married requires of me to live with that person and to carry out my duties as a husband.

Yes, living together will show up some things you might not see in a spouse during dating. But being married, you get to work it out, compromise. Realize that things can't always go the way you're used to. Realize that you're married now. You can't go into marriage thinking everything is going to be alright from then on.

If finding something that you dislike about your companion, before marriage, while living together, you are more likely to break up and never see each other again.
While if you found it out during marriage, you would want to try and work it out, since you have made the commitment.

Anyways, just my views.

[Arch_Angel]

It's not always about a "front" though! It's about compatibiltiy! For example:

I know a guy who got married at 31 to a girl who was 27. They dated for 7 years before they got married and bought their place together after. Good so far? Well, whn they started to live together he realised that what he considers a comfortable home, is not her idea of a ideal home nor did she care! Certain hbits of his drive her crazy and, certain things she carries on with drive him nuts! They fight about it all the time. They aren't divorced, but they don't really talk to each other and they both are completely irritated but one another's presence in the home! Isn't that counter productive?
So BG, you're telling me they never fought about anything before they married?
They never looked over the house and spoke about what they like and disliked about it before buying it?
If they guy bought the home without her knowing, that wasn't the smartest thing to do, unless he knew her likes and dislikes pretty well. But from the sounds of it, looks like he didn't.

[Drew]

Anyways, just my views.everyone is entitled to their own opinion. your idea is just as good as if its opposed because there is reason to live or not to live together.

[AngelsKiss]

AA's idea is good simply because its from a biblical perspective I think. Alas...most of us stray from living the biblical life. Sinners we all are the lot of us:)

[Arch_Angel]

AA's idea is good simply because its from a biblical perspective I think. Alas...most of us stray from living the biblical life. Sinners we all are the lot of us:)
LOL Angel. Ain't dat the truth. ;)

[AngelsKiss]

LOL Angel. Ain't dat the truth. ;)

AA...with you around there is hope for mankind. Pity there are so few of you :icon_mrgr

[Arch_Angel]

I mentioned before that getting married should be exciting and fun. Some of the things I look forward to, in getting married:
- We would be able to live together. This is exciting because it's like having my best friend around, all the time. No more expensive phone calls and hours on the phone.
- Of course, I would be able to have sex with her. I don't need to explain the fun and excitement in this, right?
- A companion to keep me company the rest of my life. No one likes being lonely. Do you understand the sastisfaction of having someone there for you, to support you, as you go through life? Do you know scary life can get? The choices you have to make?
- No more girl hunting. No longer will I need to be girl hunting, coming up with pickup lines, getting dissed because my breath neva smell right, making sure you don't say anything stupid when meeting a girl, going on blind dates....I could go on.

These are just a few things I look forward to. If I scratch of some of these things, I leave little to after we are married.

Ok, enough from me now. lol

[AngelsKiss]

I mentioned before that getting married should be exciting and fun. Some of the things I look forward to, in getting married:
- We would be able to live together. This is exciting because it's like having my best friend around, all the time. No more expensive phone calls and hours on the phone.
- Of course, I would be able to have sex with her. I don't need to explain the fun and excitement in this, right?
- A companion to keep me company the rest of my life. No one likes being lonely. Do you understand the sastisfaction of having someone there for you, to support you, as you go through life? Do you know scary life can get? The choices you have to make?
- No more girl hunting. No longer will I need to be girl hunting, coming up with pickup lines, getting dissed because my breath neva smell right, making sure you don't say anything stupid when meeting a girl, going on blind dates....I could go on.

These are just a few things I look forward to. If I scratch of some of these things, I leave little to after we are married.

Ok, enough from me now. lol

Well good luck AA and pray for the rest of us ;)

[Bashment Girl]

- No more girl hunting. No longer will I need to be girl hunting, coming up with pickup lines, getting dissed because my breath neva smell right, making sure you don't say anything stupid when meeting a girl, going on blind dates....I could go on.

These are just a few things I look forward to. If I scratch of some of these things, I leave little to after we are married.

Ok, enough from me now. lol

I thought guys like girl hunting lol...:p Capleton has a song about it lol..."Hunt ya hunt ya hunt ya.." I'm playing! There can never be enough said from people with refreshing things to say. :cool:

[BlackCryptoKnight]

No longer will I need to be girl hunting, coming up with pickup lines, getting dissed because my breath neva smell right, making sure you don't say anything stupid when meeting a girl, going on blind dates....I could go on.

Yeah...no more girl hunting, but you better believe you still have to watch what you say and that you'll be dissed if your breath don't smell right... :icon_mrgr

[philben]

Interesting discussion. I wouldn't want to live with him before marrying because in addition to the bible's point of view, it would not offer me enough security - the exit clause much talked about would be active and viable - even for me too. I want that feeling of commitment that being married will ensure - that of not giving up easily or too quickly. Many other things too, but that's all for now. :eusa_thin

[Drew]

so it all boils down to personal preference, right.

[Xenocrates]

Shacking up is a bad thing.

You don't need to be a christian to believe in that. I know a lot of females who are not christians by any stretch of the imagination, and shacking up is one thing you could never get them to do - even if drugged and hypnotized with a gun to their head. This is not about personal preferences. This is more about God's will... ok, that's debateable. Let's take God out of the picture for a moment and analyze this from a rational perspective:

1. The Sex

Look man, if I'm going to be shacking up with a female, I might as well marry her. The fornication ting doesn't feel right. Having her in the other room while the irristable feeling for sex blows my mind in the next is absolutely ridiculous. It's like putting a glazed donut in front of Homer Simpson and telling him not to eat it. That's MADNESS. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever. FULL-STOP. I don't know about you guys, but I'm not into the sadistic self-torture thing. Is either we're married and doing it, or not married and abstaining. There's no two ways around that. It just makes sense, Ok?

2. Economic Gain

I can't rationalize how if living together can cut expenses, that a couple should remain unmarried. Isn't this more of a reason to GET MARRIED?! This is an empty excuse aimed at getting regular sex from an uncommitted relationship. That's the motivation here. This has to be one of the lamest arguments I've ever heard (No offense to anyone touting it) and I will tell you why:

If the gain is so beneficial and you're saving so much money, then how expensive do you think getting married needs to be? Do you think you need to throw a Jennifer Lopez wedding?! For God's sake, get real man. I know two old folks, good friends of mine, who got married 26 years ago. All they had as witnesses were two co-workers. They got married in their work clothes. They called up their pastor and in 15 minutes it was over. Then they went back to work. 26 years later, and they're still together - happy as ever. They had a proper wedding like 10 years later when they saved up enough cash from their economical gain, living together, as married people.

So to say that marriage is "not in the works" is just an excuse to get some good sex while remaining uncommitted. Don't try to play wise to catch fool. If you're living like married people, then get married. You won't be able to tell the difference, and she'll love you for it. The only difference between living together and being married is the "marriage" part - the part where you are committed forever. People who live together and remain uncommitted are afraid of commitment. So don't gimme any of that B.S. All you're doing is cheapening the poor girl into a free whore who cooks for you. Marry her and show her you respect and love her!

[Xenocrates]

3. Unexpected Habits

You all need to stop using this excuse about not knowing how someone's living conditions and habits are. That is almost as lame as saying there is economic gain from living together - while remaining unmarried. You don't need to live together to figure this out. Here's how (Since it's obvious your parents never taught you about birds and bees):

Men;

- Drop in when they least expect it. If you're a neat freak, make an unexpected house call. There's no way she can clean the house into an immaculate mansion in 2 minutes if it is a mess.

- Watch how she treats her father. Because that's how she will treat you! Observe how she interacts with her mother, because that's the kind of mother she will be! If she has neither, observe her interactions with the elderly or those senior to her - including her boss at work, or her lecturer/teacher at school. Because that's the kind of respect she will have for you when you get old!

- Observe her behaving with other people's children! Not all pretty girls want to ruin their bodies to have a kid! No woman in her right mind doesn't like children. So don't complain if you hook up with a girl who abhors children and then get surprised when she tells you about a surrogate mother or when she tells you B.S. about your ridiculous need to fulfill your paternal instincts!

Women;

- Look at how he dresses. Look at his school books (if you're still in school) and his bags and his equiment. Look at how he treats his things. Observe how he eats. Watch how he does his schoolwork. A man who is sloppy @ home has a sloppy desk at work, or messy/missing school equiment. I'm a man, so I should know.

- Look at his shoes. If you see him in dirty shoes often, even if he dresses neatly otherwise, he is a LAZY BOY! Memba me tell you!

- Look at his car! Does he frequently stuff trash into the cigaratte dish? Are his car seats smelly? Do you see a lot of dirt on the floor mats? Is his car always dirty? Even if he dresses right, if he drives and his car is dirty, he is a messy man. No exceptions.

- In fact, men are only consistent in inconsistency. Women, if you want to know about some weakness he has, watch for the one thing he fails to keep consistent with the rest of things he does. Because that ONE thing cues you into SO MUCH about who he really is. 9 / 10 times, that one thing may be who he really is. So if his desk is neat, his boots are clean, his car is clean, but he dresses like a bum, then the dude is sloppy. He only presents the "Mr. Clean" to impress you!

- Observe how he treats his mother! That's how he'll treat you! Unlike women, it doesn't matter how he interacts with his dad. A man can hate his father's guts and still be a great husband. Observe his attitude towards old people or the unfortunate, the same attitude will be extended to your family which he knows little about!

[Xenocrates]

The best way for a woman to try a man's faithfulness is to come to his house and clean his room.

Yes you heard me right.

Uncommitted men - Will feel extremely threatened by the act, because in his mind it means that you want to be his wife and he is uncomfortable with the very idea, even if his room is sparkling clean. He will start acting dodgy and not being able to make eye contact. He will get angry for no reason, and start seriously ignoring you. There's nothing that an uncommitted man hates more than a woman who is willing to clean his possessions for him.

Committed men - Won't B.S. you. They'll thank you straight up and gain new respect for you. They will show it in their actions, even if they don't thank you straight up. He won't feel uncomfortable about or around you afterwards. The affinity ratio will sky-rocket, because he no longer sees you as a girlfriend, but as a life-mate.

Men and Women:

Determine the very worst flaw in your partner. Find out what pisses them off the MOST. Watch how they react to managing this anger. EVERYBODY gets angry. No matter how righteous they are. How they manage this anger is how they will manage you when you piss them off. Because believe me, you WILL piss them off at some point.

Once you've determined the VERY worst attribute about your partner (and you are going to need at LEAST 5 years to accomplish this in most cases), if your feelings about them remain intact after your most harrowing experience with the person, then, you might as well get married.

Don't play around with this shacking up nonsense. You don't need to live with someone to figure all of this out. It's an exercise in futility and is only useful as an act of pretense. Nobody can fake their behaviour at home for 5 years. You could be Dezel Washington (or Halle Berry) for all I care. Nobody can keep up the charade @ home for long. Their house is where you'll find out how they really are, because that's where they feel most comfortable. ;)

So unno stop play dolly house and start behaving like respectable adults!

GET MARRIED!

I dun talk.

Corollary:

Nuh feel nuh way if you are offended. If you are, it means that you still have a conscience. I prefer to call something what it is than to beat around the bush and pretend like the many as though it were something else. I feel very strongly about this issue, and I just think that Christian or no Christian, we should stop fooling ourselves and get real. It is uncommited relationships like these that produce children out of wedlock. No kid should come into this world without a married father and mother. It just should never happen, ok?

BCK and A_A hit the nail on the head long time ago. So I don't understand why this thread so long. (...watchya, look who's talking... :rolleyes: )

[Cocoa]

:eusa_clap :eusa_clap Xeno, howmuch money you get to be a relationship expert? Geez...you fingers don't hurt more time? But what you said is true. Very well put. Good read too.


The best way for a woman to try a man's faithfulness is to come to his house and clean his room Fi wah? if I may ask. :eusa_wall


Nuh feel nuh way if you are offended. If you are, it means that you still have a conscience. I prefer to call something what it is than to beat around the bush and pretend like the many as though it were something else. I feel very strongly about this issue, and I just think that Christian or no Christian, we should stop fooling ourselves and get real. It is uncommited relationships like these that produce children out of wedlock. No kid should come into this world without a married father and mother. It just should never happen, ok? Straight! :p

[Xenocrates]

Ja, it's amazing how obvious an uncommitted male's weak points are. Knowing what buttons to push is essential in determining his true character. There are other ways to indicate your willingness to be a wife. This is just one example that I've seen prove positive. The idea is that once he picks that you are wife material and not girlfriend material, these kinds of men make serious skid marks.

So don't feel anyway if you find that genuine actions of yours scare men away. Some men aren't worth your time and effort.

I know this coworker of mine who has been after this one 35 year old dude for a loooong time. But he just can't seem to make up his mind. She's lucky she's still trying for the same dude. If a man is 35 years old and is unmarried when women are literally throwing themselves at his feet, perhaps the said woman should start looking elsewhere. It's just practical to me.

[Cocoa]

Knowing what buttons to push is essential in determining his true character. But not to clean his room. I understand what you saying though Xeno still..man a grownman fi know how to clean room. I am not his wife. I did this for my male friend once..clean his house and cooked for him. I noticed he maintained. Even if I go over there now, its spic and span. But not everyday is Christms Xeno.


So don't feel anyway if you find that genuine actions of yours scare men away. Some men aren't worth your time and effort.

I know this coworker of mine who has been after this one 35 year old dude for a loooong time. But he just can't seem to make up his mind. She's lucky she's still trying for the same dude. If a man is 35 years old and is unmarried when women are literally throwing themselves at his feet, perhaps the said woman should start looking elsewhere. It's just practical to me.Tell me about some of themcrazy men who is just not worth my time. Jerks (to me) who lerk around with a woman in there face at age 35 is playing the 'I am perfect game, where are the good women still" type of games. I dated one like this. Thirty-six years old and 'hanging' on to his life with no kids but still waiting. I never jumped in his face, but he realised a good thing he had lost when we were no more.

I said somewhere that women are unique but crazy creatures, but men are unpredictable in a way and yet unique creatures. Boy oh boy.

[Xenocrates]

Many men are bastards. Plain and simple. Low down dirty bastards. It makes me ashamed to be male when I think of things that men do. That's why I had to come on so strongly about the living together thing. Men just use that to turn the girl into a free whore.

No self respecting woman should agree to "living together" with any man unless he runs a marriage ting. You're giving the man free sex, meals and a decent home without ANY guarantee that he will be there for her forever.

That's just tricking a woman into this exit-clause thing that could go on forever! You'll provide the sex and he will stick around so long as you don't act like you want to be married....nonsense!

Not even prostitutes will give sex for free!!! So women, re-evaluate yourselves!!!

I'm sorry, only a stupid girl would do such a thing, and no man here should EVER even suggest the idea. It is wrong and it's an abuse of women's rights. I don't agree with it, and no man should conceive of it. Perish the very thought. If you going to live with a woman, marry her. That's what I say. It's the least respectful thing any man can do for a woman he has any respect for, and every self respecting woman should expect that at the very least.

[Bahama Mama]

So what do you guys and gals think? Many people are split on the issue. For the very religous folk, fornication becomes the premise on which such a situation is not suitable. For others they feel that it provides each party the opportunity to get to know one another, their habits, etc., that may not be apparent while in seperate dwellings. This for many people provides the opportunity to 'test the waters' before jumping the broom to a life long committment.

[Bahama Mama]

Oops my bad I guess there was already a thread started on this topic. :icon_redf

[Manu]

As far as christianity is concerned....no...but I myself want to live with my wife-to-be before marriage to find out some of her nasty habits and show her my own ofcourse...if any ;)

[Bahama Mama]

Apart from what Xeno stated which I fully agree with, living together before marriage tends most often to remove the natural spark of a newly wed enviroment, which can be exciting to say the least.

[Manu]

Apart from what Xeno stated which I fully agree with, living together before marriage tends most often to remove the natural spark of a newly wed enviroment, which can be exciting to say the least.

Well maybe a time frame should be in place then....like 6 months before the set wedding date?

[acidblade]

yea i think they should live together, i see that as a test for the relationship.

[Bahama Mama]

Well maybe a time frame should be in place then....like 6 months before the set wedding date?


No amount of time living together before marriage can prepare you or remove you from the inevitable whether it be good or bad.

[Manu]

No amount of time living together before marriage can prepare you or remove you from the inevitable whether it be good or bad.

The more I'm thinking about it...the more I'm thinking you guys are right. It's not like "testing" her before is gonna change my mind. The only advantage is....having her over all the time....but what about sleeping over couple times?????

[AngelsKiss]

The more I'm thinking about it...the more I'm thinking you guys are right. It's not like "testing" her before is gonna change my mind. The only advantage is....having her over all the time....but what about sleeping over couple times?????

I know it shouldn't be funny, yet I couldn't help laughing. Life is a daily struggle isn't it? Good vs evil, wrong vs right, following our own beliefs vs other ppl's belief system, choosing God vs going our own way....and the list goes on ;)

[nuhsenutten]

acouple shoul live together b4 marriage as it prepares them for what they might encounter after marriage.........

it might detract a little of the excitement of the whole marriage but it prepares you for a life together and how to deal with the problems involved in living together.....so a little excitement can b sacrificed for the sake of preparation

[BlackCryptoKnight]

acouple shoul live together b4 marriage as it prepares them for what they might encounter after marriage.........

it might detract a little of the excitement of the whole marriage but it prepares you for a life together and how to deal with the problems involved in living together.....so a little excitement can b sacrificed for the sake of preparation

Take it from a married person, living together does not prepare you for the commitment that is marriage. When you are not married, you have an "easy out" as soon as things get uncomfortable. When you are married, you don't. This concept of "testing" the relationship to see whether you will stay or not goes against the principles upon which marriage is supposed to be built. You shouldn't be looking for reasons to exit. You should get to know the other person well enough to make a sensible decision to commit. Living together implies commitment. You can't commit, then change your mind, - well you can, but it wouldn't be right. The living together argument is like saying : "Let me sample the goodies which should be reserved for marriage, before marriage, so I can see if I still want to get married, but even if I don't, I still got the goodies".

[Cocoa]

I have seen my friend and her husband live together for economical purposes. They are both chritians and I think it went well before they got married. Not to say it should be an excuse to do so.

[Xenocrates]

No amount of time living together before marriage can prepare you or remove you from the inevitable whether it be good or bad.

- :eusa_clap It's that simple gentlepeople. ;) ...plus EVERYTHING that BCK said. It's that simple.

[babyj]

Well living with someone before marriage will determine whether or not you want to live with that person forever. You'll have an idea of how they operate in and around the house."see mi and live wid mi a two different ting!"

[Nastro]

Western Culture is odd ain't it? Worse yet are those indoctrinated by it ;)

There are so many factors that can push persons to live with each other prior to marriage. You may be surprised how much problems and potential problems it can alleviate and prevent. (Although it should be noted that it too comes with its side order of woes)

Unfortunately in reality (as it was in fairy tale), Cinderella's slipper can't fit everybody.

[Manu]

Western Culture is odd ain't it? Worse yet are those indoctrinated by it ;)

There are so many factors that can push persons to live with each other prior to marriage. You may be surprised how much problems and potential problems it can alleviate and prevent. (Although it should be noted that it too comes with its side order of woes)

Unfortunately in reality (as it was in fairy tale), Cinderella's slipper can't fit everybody.

Great metaphor :eusa_clap

[g2cris]

I have absolutely no problem with it. ppl need fi understand themself, if both ok with it then do it, you might learn a thing or 985,000. But unless you deeply religious, gwan go do it.

[littledevil]

Most ppl who decide to live together before marriage always end up not getting married.

[Cocoa]

Most ppl who decide to live together before marriage always end up not getting married.
:eusa_thin this is a very good point.

[Drew]

actually, my question is if that is even true??

[Nastro]

Most ppl who decide to live together before marriage always end up not getting married.

This is definetely not true. I want you to do a survey and get some numbers. You would be surprised the response.

[Manu]

This is definetely not true. I want you to do a survey and get some numbers. You would be surprised the response.

Yup...you're right. They do get married...but do the marriages work...thats the question. How quickly are they normally disolved? :eusa_thin

[Bahama Mama]

Most ppl who decide to live together before marriage always end up not getting married.


It is all dependant on the amount of time that the couple lives together in my opinion. If a couple has lived together for 15 years or more for example and havent made any serious preparations to get married, the chances are very slim that they will even follow through on their intended goal. Reason being, because at that point of time in a relationship, many couples become comfortable in the 'common law' mode. They probably already have kids, shared investments, a house, so they dont feel the need to seal the deal with a marriage lisence, becasue everything else, so they feel speaks for itself.

[littledevil]

Sometime ago i was planning on cohabiting, i did a research and based on the results i decided against it.

[rreky]

Ummm... Y'all have some good points... but why does it seem like the only one being "dissed" by living together is the woman? Why is it made to seem like she loses more than the male? Why does the man have to do the respectful thing and marry her? Suppose she doesn't want to marry the guy and he wants to? Then who's doing wrong by whom? It's not always the situation where a woman wants to jump in to marriage more than her male counterpart. So can we make things a little more balanced?

[Jae]

ALL I GOTTA SAY IS REGARDLESS OF THE WAY PPL TREAT THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE NOWADAYS, IT IS STILL SOMETHING TO BE CONSIDERED SERIOUSLY. SO IF U LIVE WITH THE PERSON 2WKS OR 20YRS AND U CONSIDERING GETTING MARRIED-T'INK LONG AN' HARD :eusa_thin !! BESIDES U NEVER KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT A PERSON-THAT TAKES A LIFETIME (AND EVEN WHEN DEM DEAD U STILL NUH KNOW EVERYTHING!).
I GUESS THE QUESTION U SHOULD ASK URSELF IS WHETHER OR NOT U THINK U CAN LIVE WITH WHAT U KNOW SO FAR.