Cocoa
September 8, 2004, 06:17 PM
(Taken from a friend of mine...who let me borrow his jokes)
* You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
* Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
* You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
* You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
* You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
* All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: DSL...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
* And even your night dreams are in HTML.
* You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot."
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
* When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through GOOGLE.
* You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
* You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.
You refer to your age as 3.x.
* You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
* You don't know what sex your three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
* You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
* Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
* You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.
* You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
* You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
* You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
* You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
* Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
* You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
* The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
* You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.
* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
* You forget what year it is.
* You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
* You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
* You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
* You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
* You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
* The remote to the T.V. is missing...and you don't even care.
* The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few seconds later, your sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.
* You create a homepage with the impression to cure the afflicted...but your hidden agenda is to receive more e-mail.
* You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
* Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
* You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
* You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
* You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
* All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: DSL...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
* And even your night dreams are in HTML.
* You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot."
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
* When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through GOOGLE.
* You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
* You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.
You refer to your age as 3.x.
* You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
* You don't know what sex your three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
* You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
* Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
* You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.
* You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
* You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
* You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
* You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
* Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
* You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
* The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
* You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.
* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
* You forget what year it is.
* You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
* You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
* You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
* You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
* You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
* The remote to the T.V. is missing...and you don't even care.
* The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few seconds later, your sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.
* You create a homepage with the impression to cure the afflicted...but your hidden agenda is to receive more e-mail.