philben
June 14, 2006, 04:41 AM
Mustard
========
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a
fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown,
gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I
carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up
with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,"
she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was
reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of
mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked
it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue
protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of
routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later
(after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said,
"Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'"
========
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a
fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown,
gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I
carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up
with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,"
she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was
reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of
mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked
it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue
protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of
routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later
(after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said,
"Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'"