bernie
June 28, 2006, 12:33 PM
> Anger Management
>
> When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you
> just need to take
> it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you
> know, take it out on
> someone you don't know.
>
> I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone
> call I'd forgotten to
> make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
> answered, saying "Hello."
>
> I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please
> speak with Robyn
> Carter?"
>
> Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the
> right stinking
> number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I
> couldn't believe that
> anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's
> correct number to
> call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed
> the last two
> digits.
>
>
>
> After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
> 'wrong' number again.
>
> When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
> "You're an idiot!" and
> hung up. I wrote his number down with the word
> 'idiot' next to it, and
> put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks,
> when I was paying bills
> or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
> "You're an idiot!" It
> always cheered me up.
>
>
>
> When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
> therapeutic 'idiot' calling
> would have to stop. So, I called his number and
> said, "Hi, this is John
> Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see
> if you're familiar
> with our Caller ID Program?"
>
>
>
> He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I
> quickly called him back
> and said, "That's because you're an idiot!" and hung
> up.
>
>
>
> One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull
> into a parking Spot.
> Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into
> the spot I had
> patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that
> I'd been waiting
> for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a
> "For Sale" sign in
> his back window, so I wrote down his number.
>
>
>
> A couple of days later, right after calling the
> first idiot (I had his
> number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better
> call the BMW idiot,
> too.
>
>
>
> I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
> sale?"
>
>
>
> He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me
> where I can see it?" He
> said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax.
> It's a yellow
> rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."
>
>
>
> I asked, "What's your name?"
>
>
>
> He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
>
>
>
> I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
>
>
>
> He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
>
>
>
> I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
>
>
>
> He said, "Yes?"
>
>
>
> I said, "Don, you're an idiot!"
>
>
>
> Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed
> dial, too. Now, when I
> had a problem, I had two idiots to call.
>
>
>
> Then I came up with an idea. I called idiot #1.
>
>
>
> He said, "Hello."
>
>
>
> I said, "You're an idiot!" (But I didn't hang up.)
>
>
>
> He asked, "Are you still there?"
>
>
>
> I said, "Yeah,"
>
>
>
> He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
>
>
>
> I said, "Make me,"
>
>
>
> He asked, "Who are you?"
>
>
>
> I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
>
>
>
> He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Idiot,
> I live at 34 Oaktree
> Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black
> Beamer parked in
> front."
>
>
>
> He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you
> had better start
> saying your prayers."
>
>
>
> I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, idiot," and
> hung up.
>
>
>
> Then I called Idiot #2.
>
>
>
> He said, "Hello?"
>
>
>
> I said, "Hello, idiot,"
>
>
>
> He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>
>
>
> I said, "You'll what?"
>
>
>
> He exclaimed, "I'll kick your but,"
>
>
>
> I answered, "Well, idiot, here's your chance. I'm
> coming over right
> now."
>
>
>
> Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
> saying that I lived at
>
>
> 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my
> way over there to kill
> my gay lover.
>
>
>
> Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war
> going down on Oaktree
> Blvd. in Fairfax.
>
>
>
> I quickly got into my car and headed over to
> Fairfax. I got there just
> in time to watch two idiots beating the crap out of
> each other in front
> of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and
> surrounded by a news
> crew.
>
>
>
> NOW I feel much better.
>
>
>
> Anger management really does work.
>
> When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you
> just need to take
> it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you
> know, take it out on
> someone you don't know.
>
> I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone
> call I'd forgotten to
> make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
> answered, saying "Hello."
>
> I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please
> speak with Robyn
> Carter?"
>
> Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the
> right stinking
> number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I
> couldn't believe that
> anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's
> correct number to
> call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed
> the last two
> digits.
>
>
>
> After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
> 'wrong' number again.
>
> When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
> "You're an idiot!" and
> hung up. I wrote his number down with the word
> 'idiot' next to it, and
> put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks,
> when I was paying bills
> or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
> "You're an idiot!" It
> always cheered me up.
>
>
>
> When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
> therapeutic 'idiot' calling
> would have to stop. So, I called his number and
> said, "Hi, this is John
> Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see
> if you're familiar
> with our Caller ID Program?"
>
>
>
> He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I
> quickly called him back
> and said, "That's because you're an idiot!" and hung
> up.
>
>
>
> One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull
> into a parking Spot.
> Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into
> the spot I had
> patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that
> I'd been waiting
> for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a
> "For Sale" sign in
> his back window, so I wrote down his number.
>
>
>
> A couple of days later, right after calling the
> first idiot (I had his
> number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better
> call the BMW idiot,
> too.
>
>
>
> I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
> sale?"
>
>
>
> He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me
> where I can see it?" He
> said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax.
> It's a yellow
> rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."
>
>
>
> I asked, "What's your name?"
>
>
>
> He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
>
>
>
> I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
>
>
>
> He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
>
>
>
> I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
>
>
>
> He said, "Yes?"
>
>
>
> I said, "Don, you're an idiot!"
>
>
>
> Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed
> dial, too. Now, when I
> had a problem, I had two idiots to call.
>
>
>
> Then I came up with an idea. I called idiot #1.
>
>
>
> He said, "Hello."
>
>
>
> I said, "You're an idiot!" (But I didn't hang up.)
>
>
>
> He asked, "Are you still there?"
>
>
>
> I said, "Yeah,"
>
>
>
> He screamed, "Stop calling me,"
>
>
>
> I said, "Make me,"
>
>
>
> He asked, "Who are you?"
>
>
>
> I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
>
>
>
> He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Idiot,
> I live at 34 Oaktree
> Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black
> Beamer parked in
> front."
>
>
>
> He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you
> had better start
> saying your prayers."
>
>
>
> I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, idiot," and
> hung up.
>
>
>
> Then I called Idiot #2.
>
>
>
> He said, "Hello?"
>
>
>
> I said, "Hello, idiot,"
>
>
>
> He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>
>
>
> I said, "You'll what?"
>
>
>
> He exclaimed, "I'll kick your but,"
>
>
>
> I answered, "Well, idiot, here's your chance. I'm
> coming over right
> now."
>
>
>
> Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
> saying that I lived at
>
>
> 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my
> way over there to kill
> my gay lover.
>
>
>
> Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war
> going down on Oaktree
> Blvd. in Fairfax.
>
>
>
> I quickly got into my car and headed over to
> Fairfax. I got there just
> in time to watch two idiots beating the crap out of
> each other in front
> of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and
> surrounded by a news
> crew.
>
>
>
> NOW I feel much better.
>
>
>
> Anger management really does work.