Cocoa
September 22, 2004, 11:57 PM
1. Two Kinds of People
There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
2. Hymn For Her
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
3. The Ideal Marriage
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
4. The Pope
The POPE lands in NEW YORK Airport, where a limo is waiting for him. The Pope gets in and says to the limo driver, "Mate, I haven't got alot of life left in me, please may I have the opportunity to drive a limo before I leave this World?" The limo driver thinks about it and agrees.
The Pope then proceeds to drive the limo at 105mph down the streets of Mantahhan until he's stopped by the Police. The Pope winds down the window and gives the usual, "sorry officer, I didn't know I was speeding" excuse.
The cop gets on his radio and calls head office. "I've pulled over a limo for speeding and it's got a very important passenger," says the traffic cop. "Who is it? The senator? The president?" jokes the commissioner. "I think it's God", says the cop. "How could it possibly be God you fool?" asks the commissioner. "Well", replies the cop. "The Pope is the chauffeur".
There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
2. Hymn For Her
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
3. The Ideal Marriage
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
4. The Pope
The POPE lands in NEW YORK Airport, where a limo is waiting for him. The Pope gets in and says to the limo driver, "Mate, I haven't got alot of life left in me, please may I have the opportunity to drive a limo before I leave this World?" The limo driver thinks about it and agrees.
The Pope then proceeds to drive the limo at 105mph down the streets of Mantahhan until he's stopped by the Police. The Pope winds down the window and gives the usual, "sorry officer, I didn't know I was speeding" excuse.
The cop gets on his radio and calls head office. "I've pulled over a limo for speeding and it's got a very important passenger," says the traffic cop. "Who is it? The senator? The president?" jokes the commissioner. "I think it's God", says the cop. "How could it possibly be God you fool?" asks the commissioner. "Well", replies the cop. "The Pope is the chauffeur".